January 3, 2004     Movies, movies, movies: Critics' Top Ten Lists for 2003 Movies.

January 1, 2004     Been a while. The holidays were good to myself and the family. Kids loved getting Little People and a buncha Ponies. They are at the age where one gift would be as enjoyable as 16 gifts. But the wife and I got them a number somewhere inbetween. The grandparents and in-laws on both sides were also generous. Kids are fingerpainting right now & the Rose Bowl will be on in a couple of hours. I have a date with the treadmill during the first half.

Check out this pictoral essay. I found it to be one of the most intersting web pages I have seen in a long time. After the The Gallery
of Regrettable Food, of course.

Hope the holidays treated you all well and the best for '04.

December 17, 2003     The Earle was delicious. Umm, err, I mean, the food at the Earle was delicious. I had the mushroom stuffed ravioli and my date had some fish on pan fried potatoes and carrots. Mmm for the potatoes.

Looks like soccer is going to be on Friday's next season. Our manager missed the deadline for registration for the Saturday league, so we've been bumped to a slightly stronger division. Let's see, we've improved up to one win for this season, so hopefully we can look respectable next season.

Going to take the winter trip to Chicago next week. Two nights. Hope the kids take it well. We usually stop once or twice since we've been taking them. Adds to the hours, but necessary for their menal well-being.

Speaking of mental well-being ...

December 15, 2003     Went to the Earle Saturday night; then out dancing.

December 12, 2003     So last night my wife and I were supposed to go to the Earle, in downtown Ann Arbor. Turns out that our babysitter called 2 hours before she was supposed to come over and said she was starting to feel like she had the flu. After enough stress and no other option, we ended up going out with the kids to Cadey's, in downtown Ypsilanti. I had some really delicious spinach lasagna. We decided to go to the Earle this Saturday, tomorrow, which is an acceptable alternative. The only issue is that the kids will spend the night at the in-laws and I have to miss soccer. Of all the soccer games to miss, this is a good one, because the starting time is 11:00 p.m. After the last 11:00 p.m. game, I couldn't sleep until close to 2:00 a.m..

I am looking forward to having a few days off around the holidays. Going to see my folks in Chicago for two nights with the kids. My brother is going to be there, so that will be enriching. Maybe we'll work on puzzles again this year.

December 4, 2003     So we had a make-up soccer game yesterday at 6:30 p.m. Because the game was at 6:30, my wife and I decided to bring the kids. It was great. I think my oldest, our 5-year-old daughter, watched the entire game. Our two-year-old son was exploring the 5 tier bleachers and watching some of the game. At least this is how my wife reported it to me.

Our team did a much better job rotating in and out of our shifts. I played defense and it was probably my best game of the year. So what is the injury report of the day? The IROD? The IROD is that I rolled my ankle and have a mild sprain. I had a battle with number 5 on the other team the entire game and early in the second period (I think it was the second) she tripped me up and I landed sideways on the ankle and heard a little sound. She asked me if I was okay and I said "Ankle". Then a few seconds later I said "It will be better by Sunday". Sunday? Why did I say Sunday? Well, after the game we came home and I iced the ankle for 45 minutes, then iced my knee. Did I forget to mention that I bashed my knee an hour before the game on a drawer that was not put away in the garage.

So I found a good web site today: University of Michigan's Sports Medicine Health Topics. The degree of detail they provide in the rehabilitation sections is teriffic. Copied off a few pages and will be giving my ankle some rehab tonight.

December 1, 2003     If you would like to scan your home PC for viruses and do not have a recently updated virus scan engine, try the following "online scanner". The ActiveX components to download, they claim, takes about 5 minutes to download on a 56 kb modem (it took about a minute here at work). On my PC at work, the scan took a just under an hour. One option the program has is the ability to scan email, even email kept on the server. Here is the link: http://www.pandasoftware.com/activescan/com/activescan_principal.htm. What is different with this utility is that there is no program to download, just the ActiveX components that work with their database of virus signatures on their server.

Another free utility you may want to download for your home PCs is Ad-aware, which will scan your PC for spyware. You can find out more about spyware & the product here: http://www.lavasoftusa.com/. Click on the Ad-aware link on the left side of the page & look for the download hyperlink. If you download & install this program, click the "Check for Updates" link before running your scan so you can get the latest database file.

I wrote those last two paragraphs to the internet users here at work but I thought it was helpful reference material for my tens of thousands of readers.

DT

November 26, 2003     Way too philosphical. I just reread the last post and wondered who wrote those words. It must have been some alien life form that took over my skin, for the sole purpose of writing silliness in my 11/21/03 blog.

I am in the process of sending off my first "holiday" present to someone at harvard. Someone on the Patty Griffin discussion list requested copies of any of Patty's concerts in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I wrote him back and said I had a copy of the Aug. 17, 2001 show that I could send him. He wanted to know what he could send me in exchange & I said nothing. This was just part of the holiday cheer & all that. So I burned him a copy of the show & I copied three of my favorite sampler CDs. Hopefully he gets a kick out of the CDs. Hope it's not too overwhelming--for him to get more than he expected.

We had a soccer game on Saturday. Lost big, and I wasn't as sharp as I have been in the past. I guess running 3 miles in the afternoon took a toll on me.

We're not going to let our daughter go see Cat in the Hat with her school next week.

November 21, 2003     Is there a grand theory of life? I think there should be, sometimes. I think that if we try to engineer life in a certain way, life may respond in a way that puts us back in the same position we were before we tried our engineering experiment. Of course we can make decisions and grand career choices. Yet attmpting to be something we are not meant to be will get us to a place that is embarassingly close to the person we are supposed to be.

So who are you supposed to be?

I don't like the way that sounds. It sounds too parental.

How about this: Are you you?

That's getting closer.

How about: Are you true?

Sounds British.

I read a silly little Buddhist phrase earlier this year: "The seeker is that which is being sought." I tore it out of this woman's daily Buddhist calendar and brought it home to show my wife. We both got a kick out of it, but I think it meant a lot more to her. The moral of the phrase is that we should be seeking our true self. If we find it, our search is over, but the search can never be over.

What is important is that we seek to understand who we are.

November 18, 2003     Scored my first goal in soccer on Saturday night. It was in vain, since we lost 5 to 1. But the goal was majestic.

I made bread pudding this past Sunday. I was inspired by watching Nigella Bites the night before. She made this recipe for bread pudding that looked absolutely divine. The next morning I took out one of our trusty cookbooks and found a simple recipe that called for cinnamon, nutmeg, sugar, vanilla, and I forget what else--but it turned out absolutely delicious. My wife said, "It's just flour and sugar." I guess her point is that it was not breakfast food. True, it is not health food. I never claimed it was. Some people have donuts for breakfast; I'm going to have bread pudding.

November 14, 2003     On with the silliness.

Teeth are better. Thigh is better. I was able to run 4 miles on Wednesday. That felt good. I should be able to play soccer tomorrow night at 90%. I think the worst is behind me.

Checked out a book on sports medicine the other two weeks ago from the library and the advice the authors gave was this: for quadraceps problems, do not rest it. The muscle, if rested, will heal in a "spasmed" state. To truly heal, it is necessary to stretch the muscle just up to the point where it hurts, and then the next day you'll be able to stretch it a little more. At the same time, it is necessary to exercise the muscle and make the muscle stronger. It might hurt at first, so don't strain it too much, but after a while the muscle will start to heal and the stretching will help it regain its original shape. The authors kept on going on about making sure it does not heal in a spasm. So for about 9 weeks I was mostly resting it and not stretching it, and I had no great benefit. But since reading the book and exercising and stretching my quadraceps, I've felt that it has healed tremendously.

So Christmas is around the corner. What do you want for Christmas? Now there's a philosophical question. If you could have one thing in the world for Christmas, what would it be? My son would probably want Tonka Trucks. I would probably want good relationships with my family. Or maybe health. Or perfect eye sight. Hmmm. I'll have to continue this list later. It could be fun.

November 11, 2003     Nursing a sore jaw and some aches where my wisdom teeth used to be. Does the removal of wisdom teeth mean that I am any less wise than I was last week? I hope not.

I had the extraction done on Friday & had to return to see the dentist on Saturday to have a some foam and two stitches put in the bottom. I was pooling up with blood all night and hardly slept due to all the blood that was coming out.

Enough about the extraction.

Yes, I like music. I think sometimes about how it has been a great distraction for me in the past. It is possible, I think, to use music as a substitue for feelings. It is even possible to use something like music as a distraction for feelings. When I was in the dentist chair, I was getting my wisdom teeth wiggled and yanked at and I was humming along with U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" that was playing on the radio station. The dentist said she couldn't ever remember a patient humming while having their wisdom teeth taken out. I said that it was a good distraction. (Actually with the novicane my words were a close approximation of saying "it was a good distraction".)

So I think about two scene in my life when music was an essential text. Scene 1: I was in my Junior or Senior year in high school and I would be doing pre-calculus or calculus homework in my bedroom, listening to The Who or 38 Special or Alan Parson's Project or some other 80's pop/rock. Sometimes, if the problem was extremely hard, I would turn off the cassette player for 10 minutes till I had it figgured out. Scene 2: I was in my Sophomore or Junior year of high school and I used to run cross country and track and when I would find myself in a groove, I would start thinking or even humming the tune "Face Dances, Part 2" by Pete Townsend and I would run as if I was on air. I'm sure there are other scenes that show the same types of escape or distraction--but what I'm finding is that some people use drugs or alcohol to get out of a place (get existential), and I have used music...

...more to follow.

November 4, 2003     Have I changed in the past 9 weeks? That is a question I asked my therapist yesterday. Actually, I didn't use the word change. I think I asked her if I've accomplished anything in the last 8 or 9 weeks. You see, part of the equation here is that I may stop therapy for a while, and so towards the end of the hour I wanted to get a pulse on my current state of mind. (Enough cliche's.) Her answer to my question doesn't matter. It's enough that I'm writing this in a public blog. But let's just say that when we are presented with a challenge, we all should change, somewhat. Maybe that's an overstatement, but what are the choices? If one is given a challenge, one can either (1) fight to stay the same, (2) fight to understand and appreciate the challenge and make an informed/empowered decision (3) change and bend like a reed in the wind (4) seek help and talk about it a lot and maybe change. But it's not a test. There is no right answer. When I was in therapy years back, there were things I was not ready to understand, much less make an empowered decision about. Now I'm in a different place. One thing I've noticed is that over the past few months, I've become more aware of my feelings. Not only that, I'm giving myself permission to feel, to hang out and be okay with my feelings. What did I have before? I think I was hard and supressed feelings like a kid trying to hold down a beach ball in the water. Slowly, slowly the feelings are beginning to come to the surface. The beach ball is not popping to the surface in a sudden swoop, but these emotions are slowly coming to the surface. God, I cannot believe how touchy-feely this is. Yes, I'm still a guy.

So what is my point? I've talked to my wife a lot about this subject. I've said that one day a person might be praised for being a rock, and might think that being stoic is a good virtue. "You've done very well," someone might say, when they are complimenting a guy who doesn't complain and keeps on going through the motions of life. But maybe that guy has a damn lot of complaining that he deserves to let out. Maybe he has pain or sadness or grief or a host of other "negative" type of feelings. Maybe he can only hold them back by holding all his feelings back. Maybe the only way to let a few of them out is to let all of them out. A little at a time. So which guy should be complimented? The one who goes through life and controls his feelings in order to keep the machine of life turning without a hitch OR the one who goes through life and may complain, bitch, cry, shout, or praise, smile, and expres? I'd rather be the latter, without a doubt. (Excuse the cliche's again.)

Have I let music be a proxy feeler for me in the past?

October 29, 2003     What is the point of keeping Random Thoughts and Whatnot? If I stopped updating this page today, I would have an impact on approximately 1.0003 persons--one of them being myself, of course.

The company I work for has just declared bankrupcy. My paycheck could be coming from a friendly bidder in a week or two. Or maybe it won't be coming at all.

More news to follow.

Halloween is Friday. The two-year-old is going as a dalmation, I belive, and the five-year-old is going to be a Unicorn/Pegasus. Horses and unicorns & pegasus are her latest fascination. I'm probably going to stay home and give out candy for the first half of trick-or-treating and after the first big walk, I may head out with my daughter for another few houses behind our street. It is weird having to act like everything is normal when I may not have a job, I may have fewer benefits (health, vision, dental), I may be foreced to find work elsewhere. Actually, finding work outside of the auto industry would be great. It's about time to get me off of this sinking ship, don't you think?

October 23, 2003     End of one soccer season, and the beginning of another. We have a game on Saturday night. We also have a Halloween party to go to Saturday night, which I'm not certain we'll go to. I don't have a costume, and even if I did, we don't have a baby sitter who can stay over past midnight. So we might have to shuttle the kids over to the in-laws for some overnight baby-sitting, which might work, but our two-year-old is still fighting a cold or something. He has asthma and he's coping with albuterol and pulmicort, which he gets every night. This is his second winter with this nightly cocktail.

Life is hard for everyone.

October 16, 2003     The Cubs are not going to the World Series this year. They were about 5 outs away from clinching the Division Series (or whatever it is called) and they collapsed in the 8th inning. This was two nights ago. I was working on the refrigerator at the time. I took on the project of replacing the seal because the old seal was cracked and leaking. So after having the new seal on the stairs leading downstairs for several weeks, I finally started to replace the seal about a month ago. I couldn't get the door straight after putting on the seal. I took the door off and tried again. That set off about 4 weeks of various adjustments and plenty of stress, trying to figgure out why it wouldn't close propely. I spent a few nights on my back trying various adjustments to the 3 screws in the lower left corner that hold the hinge in place. Then finally on Tuesday night, while the Cubs were mentally destroyed by a fan in the left field stands, I took off the hinge and started working on the door again. My wife came downstairs from removing the bathtub caulk, and we get to lifting the door and pressing it to the left, saying to ourselves "it should be there". After supporting the door with some books underneath, I get looking under the door and realize if I tighten the hinge as is, the door will not remain at the present "good" height, but will instead drop about .75 cm, to the level of this washer on the left side hinge. Now both my wife and I realize that there is room in there for another .75 cm washer and we get thinking that when I removed the door the first time, I must have either lost a thick plastic washer or ... I probably lost the washer. So I look around with a flashlight and listen to the stunned crowd on the TV realize that the Cubs are now down by 5 runs instead of being ahead by 3. After not finding the washer, I remove some flat refrigerator magnets and cut enough mock washers to make up about .5 cm, insert those, remove the books that were supporting the door, and tell my wife "I can't do it ... You test the door." 10 seconds later she is congradulating me on a perfect seal.

Now what can I do with my spare time? Well, I got a crack in our basement wall that needs patching. Maybe I'll call professional help for that. We'll see...

October 13, 2003     Took the kids to the soccer game Saturday night. I was resting my leg and had to babysit anyway, so I thought I'd take them along so we could watch. My daughter was interested and probably watched 90% of the game. My son, the 2-year-old, was interested in about 5 minutes each half. But he stayed close and played on the bleachers like they were a jungle-gym.

A friend of my wife's asked her if she wanted to be a tutor for kids in high school. When she told me the details later, I said I might be interested, so she's going to forward my name to her friend. Let's see what comes of that.

October 8, 2003     I haven't random-thought-and-whatnotted in a long time. It is October and once again, I can't run. My ideal year would include training for 9 months and running in a few races but most importantly, running in October, in the leaves, in dirt paths. Not this year.

I'm still fighting a nagging quadraceps injury. I've had it since the first week of soccer. Took several weeks off and I'll probably not play in tonight's game. But the good news is that I played Saturday night and we tied another team in the league. That was the first tie we've had as a team this season. It felt good, but I was a little crushed afterwards because one of the guys afterwards said that we have to work on rotation, coming out after a few minutes so fresh legs can get in there. I admitted to the group that I was guilty--and the worst thing was that I was unable to kick the ball with my right leg in most of the second half.

So I'm going to go tonight but probably stay on the sidelines. Be a cheerleader.

Been practicing deep breathing exercises the past few days. They are suppposed to help one reduce stress and tension and improve well-being in about 15 areas. Sounds good to me.

September 30, 2003     A friend of mine at work got me interested in live365.com. It's worth a try if you like exposure to new music, or even familiar music. Probably works best with broadband.

September 29, 2003     Drove down to Chicago on Saturday to attend the wedding reception of a good college friend. We missed the wedding due to an unexpected illness in our youngest, but we were able to leave around 1:00 p.m. and get to the Harold Washington Library before the 5:00 p.m. reception. The reception was a really fun time. One of the interesting things the bride and groom set up was a table with a few polaroid cameras, a large picture frame, hundreds of stickers, and a photo album. The idea was that each couple would get their picture taken and adhere the polaroid picture to the photo album with several of the stickers. Then in the margins, they could write a note to the bride and groom, so a scrapbook was created on the fly. It was a wonderful idea. Then there was dinner, cake and dancing. I probably haven't danced in about 96 years, but had a good time as I tried to relearn steps. My college buddy, of course, was getting in an aerobic workout to Meatloaf, Villiage People, among others. Then around 10:00 we had to leave. We didn't know how far we'd drive, but we ended up spending the night in Benton Harbor, Michigan. Slept well and got to see the kids at the in-laws early in the morning.

September 25, 2003     Problem publishing yesterday.

Discussing with the wife yesterday about a gym she was at that had mirrors in front of all the equipment and TVs above the mirrors. All the equipment faced the same way. I told her that earlier in the day I saw an article that described how mirrors discourage women from working out ... article here.

September 24, 2003     I hate random thoughts and whatnot.

Sometimes I get stuck and don't know how to get out. So I called my therapist yesterday who I haven't seen in months and made an appointment. That's right. I'm going back in to the hot seat. The self confrontation seat. The seat where I have no choice but to be honest to myself, and sometimes embarrasingly naked to myself.

It's a curse, you know, to have a therapist in times like these.

If you want a good one, I can give you a referral.

September 19, 2003     What is the single most important thing in a marriage? At times in the past I would say that it is communication. At other times I would say it is chemistry. Or how about commitment. Or how about love (what is love anyway??). Or how about children? Or money? Or understanding? Or caring? Or unconditional positive regard? Or support for the wellbeing of the other? Or support for the wellbeing of yourself?

This is a weightless rhetorical question, for me at least. There is no single most important thing in a marriage. Marriage is like a plant. What is the single most important thing to a rose or a fir tree or grass?

September 16, 2003     In the last two weeks, I've been through a quadriceps injury and a new car purchase. I'd have to say that the quadriceps injury is more painful.

Went to see my PCP yesterday so that he could look at two of my injuries, my ankle and my quadriceps. After taking an x-ray of the ankle it was determined that nothing is broken but I just have some inflammation that I'll have to live with for a few months more. My range of motion and strength are fine. The quadriceps pull, or tear, occurred the Wednesday after my first soccer game. I was out starting some wind sprints in the forest when I felt the pull. Of course I tried to keep going and that just aggravated the injury, and I kept on hoping it would go away. It didn't and it should be better in about 3 weeks. He gave me some stretches to consider and sent me on my way.

Went with the family to the U of M for part 2 of a study that is looking at two parent families. It was a 3 hour session with most of it videotaped. In one part, our son had to put one of four faces on a bear who was going through an emotional day. One of the faces was happy, one sad, one worried, and one content. The story had about 8 pages so it required him to use each one twice. I think he randomly got a few absolutely "right". But he's only 2. The point was to see if he had any understanding of emotional states. While he was doing that, our daughter, who is 5, was in another room answering questions about her concept of love. "How do you show that you love your mom?" "I sit next to her." "How do you show that you love your dad?" "I sit next to him sometimes." You get the idea.

August 29, 2003     Heading up to see the folks after work today. I got the usual "You-must-stay-longer-than-12-hours-and-is-that-how-much-you-love-me" guilt-trip routine, but I intend to arrive tonight at 6:30 p.m. and leave 6:30 a.m. on Sunday. But you know what? It doesn't matter how long I'm staying. I just want to spend some time with my parents. It's not that complicated.

Now if gas were less than $1.82 per gallon, I'd be in good shape.

The weird thing about this blog is that anyone can read this. Maybe someone in Guam or someone in Antarctica. Maybe even my parents. So I'll avoid name-calling and just stick to the facts. That sounds like one of those good kindergarden lessons--you remember the book Everything I Needed To Know I Learened in Kindergarden. My addition would be, "Don't call names. Just state the facts." Of course, saying how you feel should be counted as a "fact". It is always good to state how you feel.

August 24, 2003     I had to stop the last entry before completely finishing my account of the power outage. Needless to say, we survived, well and healthy.

Now I am wondering if I should start a second blog--one that would be for personal use. I could publish it under a supersecret unpublished web address, but I'm afraid that if word got out, there would be more web traffic going to that site, that'd I'd have to buy a new server and host the journal on one or two of the supercomputers at the Pentagon. Let's see, a supersecret web address, like www.getoutofmysupersecretwebsite.com.

I joined a soccer league today. I guess I didn't give them any money yet, but I put my name on a list at the church of people over 30-years-old who are interested in playing in a 8 week league, from September to October. The goal is to get at least 10 people so that we can field a team, and so that the cost can come down per person. The only drawback is that the games are Saturday night. I guess that's alright; I'll have to cut short my guitar tour of the Northern Hemisphere, though.

August 19, 2003     It's been a while since I last wrote. Since then, we've had the BLACKOUT OF '03, and the conclusion of Steven Spielberg's Taken. I think I enjoyed Taken more. Thursday night, for dinner, we grilled out a pizza and had a picnic in the back yard, hoping that the electricity would come back before too long. The next morning, we opened a garage sale that was planned, but by 10:00 the garage was closing and we were heading off to the in-laws house to get some air conditioning and a much needed shower for myself. Sometime late in the afternoon, we called our answering machine and found out that we had power.

August 7, 2003     I'm making some changes to lionreviews and there might be some inconsistency between the pages. This should all be corrected in a few days. The changes involve CSS, or Cascading Style Sheets, and it makes the formatting of web pages consistent to a predefined set of rules contained on one document.

Gotta run.

August 5, 2003     My wife and I have been watching Steven Spielberg's Taken for the past 8 or 9 weeks. I believe the miniseries is near the end, and there are 10 two hour episodes. It is probably the best drama I have ever seen on television. Probably beats most drama in cinema as well. The show is a look at the lives of the families affected by the 1947 Roswell, New Mexico, UFO crash. That is assuming that there really was a UFO crash and one alien survivor who was able to take on human form. The series spends about an episode per decade until present time, where Spielberg has spent the last 3 episodes. The 9 year-old girl, Allie, is stealing the show, and our hearts.

August 1, 2003     eastmountainsouth is worth checking out. You can preview 4 of their songs on their homepage & they sound great.

    I opened a recommendations thingy at amazon.com.

    Got some money for my birthday and was able to purchase Iz In Concert and a Putamayo CD. I don't have the exact title of the CD in front of me. I first heard Iz while watching a TV show that was quickly cancelled, but the show was very worthwhile, compared to the other crap out there. The show was called Gideon's Crossing and the song that opened that particular episode was Iz singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". At the time I thought the artist was some underpaid slackey, hired off the street to produce a soulful cover of the Garland's song because the show didn't have the rights to play her version. I couldn't have been more wrong. I was listening to the "great" Hawaiian Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.

I just finished a google groups search for "lbs Kamakawiwo'ole and to my astonishment, the first 3 hits, and I am not making this up, list him at 500, 600, and 700 pounds, in that order. I guess he gets heavier with every hit!

Just kidding. Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo`ole passed away in 1997.

July 29, 2003     I was able to run again over the weekend. Ankle is getting stronger, but I still feel some minor pain when I cross my left leg under me. (Ohhh compelling journaling.) Watched a good movie over the weekend, "Thirteen Conversations About One Thing". And what, you ask, is the one thing? I believe the one thing is happiness in life. The author & director helped me realize that the search for happiness may be as close as a smile and wave to a stranger, or a friend. Of course happiness must come from inside. That is a lesson that any lottery winner must learn.

I've stopped guitar lessons for the time being. I am not sure if I am going to go back. It was difficult to practice during the week. It is one of those things were commitment proves itself. In other words, people act according to their priorities. If I experience pleasure, I'll be attracted to that thing and it will become a priority. If I am repulsed, I will be unattracted to a thing and it will not be a priority. Pleasure, priority. Pain, not priority. I guess this theory dismisses work that we have to do which may be painful, which will lead to future pleasure. Like cleaning the garage (not priority) so that no critters domesticate there (priority). The first, pain, yeilds the second, which is pleasure. Or communicating with someone I don't feel comfortable with. A wave and a smile or an email to someone I don't feel comfortable greeting may bring greater pleasure tomorrow, in the form of sincere human contact, which is almost always an ultimate human priority.

But the guitar for me was something that I did not make a priority in the past two months. Guess that means that some other things are priorities right now. Nothing wrong with that. I think when I get home from work I'll go for a run.

July 22, 2003     Ankle is coming along fine. Ran two nights ago and it felt good. Felt some pain the next day, though.

I'm in the middle of my first problem with half.com . I ordered something back in May and still haven't received it yet. I have contacted the seller twice and contacted customer service once. When I look at the order status, it says "Customer Service Contacted" or something like that. Then their policy says that the purchaser is not supposed to stop payment through their credit card company. Obviously. So I've tried to work through the system but still do not have a resolution. I hope that the millions that read this will take action -- blah blah blah.

Tell you the truth, I made a purchase at half.com last week. I guess checking their site for a resolution to the problem turned me into a customer again. That is backwards.

July 10, 2003     Injured my ankle last night playing recreational basketball. In other words, I was playing alone in the front yard and twisted it bad after I came down with a rebound. Still hobbling. Going to drive to Chicago tomorrow afternoon, so I hope it stays loose. It is my left ankle though, so that's good.

July 1, 2003     Wrote an old professor of mine recently. In his reply, he proposed that I consider coming back and finishing my Ph.D in English or get one in Coms. That would be something. Going back to school for a second career. What I find appealing about it is that the better instructors are those that have some perspective on life (and their subject matter) that is not 100% academic.

Found some interesting web pages today about a manned (personned) mission to Mars: Click for Mars Travel Information .

I need to find a new primary font for this web page. Italics is all screwed up.

June 26, 2003     Working on another song. Hope it doesn't sound too Michelle Branch. It'll be called something like "Flower" or "My Flower" or "N. Flower". The title is derived from the mythological story of Narcissus. Had to explain the two versus and the chorus to my wife, to let her know that it was in the vein of "Every Breath You Take". It is not genius, but I think it is smart.

June 23, 2003     Had the big birthday party for our daughter on Saturday. It was a great time and the weather was perfect. Got talking to a friend about joining a local recreation soccer league. Tempting.

June 19, 2003     It is weird for me to keep a blog. I don't feel that I can share everthing about myself. I wouldn't give out my address, phone number, or my kids names on the internet. I cannot share the most significant things that have happened to me & the family in the past year. Too personal.

I actually want to share some things on a page like this, but I cannot. It's weird. I feel like that I can share more with strangers than with people I might be close with. But I won't share certain things because it would be awkward. And not for the strangers, you see.

I don't know if anyone even reads this blog. But is useful anyway because maybe in 63 years, I'll go back and read this silly space.

Wrote new lyrics to the song. The lyrics were in my head last night, so I hope I remember them when I have time to write them down.

June 13, 2003     Life is hard.

Ok. Life isn't hard just for me; I'm sure it is hard for you too. But life is hard in general. It doesn't matter if you've got 44 million zillion dollars or 44 cents to your name. It doesn't matter if you are married or single. It doesn't matter if you are famous our obscure. I think that life is proportionally hard for everyone at their own level. Life is an equal opportunity pain in the ass.

I am obscure--am I spelling that right? I don't live on an island, but almost. Do I want to live a more public life? No. But obscure doesn't mean that I am insignificant. I've got two great kids and a great wife. But my contact with the world is quite limited. I would like to have 6 million dollars and be able to eat at any restaurant any day of the week. That was my fantasy when I was in college. I wanted enough money to eat anywhere--in the world--any day of the week. That would be living for me. What else would be living? How about owning and operating a restaurant? Except that I would like weekends off and be home by 4:30 on weekdays. What else would be living? Being a park ranger. Being a caddy at a Country Club. Working at High Scope. Now those are some great options.

Am I living now? Good question. I have a paycheck, and who knows how long that will continue. Good chance the steel company I work for will go bankrupt and/or be purchased by a partner in the industry. More on this later, I'm sure.

June 5, 2003     Death in the immediate playgroup family. Do they have playgroups in Mongolia? in Pakistan? in Ancient Greece? Probably not. The cause of this death is not yet known. Many worried parents. Saw her Saturday at a birthday party for one of the kids in the playgroup. It doesn't make sense. And I guess that is the point about death--that it just is. It is sad. It is unbelievable. It is inescapable. It just is. There is probably no one in the universe more unprepared for what lies in front of him than the husband. In the 4 or 5 years that we've been involved in the playgroup, I think he has made appearances at ... zero events. So time will tell what kind of daddy he will be.

I thought about writing a song about this yesterday. I don't know if I can. The subject is much too close. The song can't be about death and opportunity (maybe the subtext can). But the song has to be about something else--a picture frame, or a tree, or a door, or a home, or a pumpkin. Maybe all of these. But I can't write a song, "She was here Saturday / Now she is gone / Now 3 kids need a mother / And a husband needs to find home..." Yuck. Much too obvious. So instead, it should be "Broken branch, make me heal, take my sorrow, take what I feel"................. too sappy. How about "Birthday and Saturday I ran to the car / returned through the rain / swang open the door // Gillian had watched me get wet in the rain / 3 years of wonder alive in her veins / Her mom and I spoke / she didn't stay long / a friend of my family, in two days she was gone //// (chorus) Focus in / Focus in / Focus on memories that slowly grow dim / Three years old / By the door / ...[?]... / alone in the world /// da dee dum / da dee dum / da dee da la la la la la dum......................."

May 29, 2003     Saw the movie Identity last night, in the theater. It was disturbing. Woke up about a dozen times after I went to bed, thinking about the movie. I had some weird substitution in my dreams as well--that the character who is ultimately revealed as evil was replaced in my dream with a dog or wolf. Not only that, the wolf was coming after me! Run!!

Brought Rosie Thomas in to work today. Okay, I didn't bring her into work, although she does make her home in the Detroit area. But I brought her CD into work today. Gave it two listens. Not complicated. Somewhat interesting in parts.

Right now listening to "Julia" on Emm's Science Fair CD.

May 28, 2003     I can't figgure out why the header at the top of this page is displaying about one pixel lower than the header at the top of the other web pages I've created for this web site.

Since using Blogger, I have changed the font of each page and I think the change is good.

Music is pretty special to me. I have found that I like some techno and have put together a nice playlist at home of some techno sounds that I've downloaded recently.

My 22 month old is beginning to golf, although he can pronounce "biz ball batt" better than golf club. I can't even duplicate how he pronounces golf club, except to say that it has two syllables. He doesn't quite have the "g" sound yet.

May 22, 2003     Blogger day two.

Been a long time since I wrote the journal, the first Journal 2003. I decided to try an automated blog journal to ease up on some of the formatting and coding. If you like what you see, drop me a line and let me know.

Went to the zoo this past Saturday with the family. The mother and baby elephant were having some "bonding time" so we were unable to see them, but we got to see the new daddy elephant. He was chewing away on some hay or something. Will have to go back in a few weeks and see the mom and new baby.

May 21, 2003     Looks like after a little editing, the web journal is working.

    I have no idea if this is going to work, but let's give it a try